Sunday, May 29, 2005

Compassion does not require understanding...

Well hello! There has been a lot that has intruded my thoughts since the last post. Let me update you first on my whereabouts...I am currently at home with my family, spending a wonderful holiday weekend with them! How precious?! I have spent these two days at the races watching what I watched for the first almost 17 years of my life. I realized a lot though being there, one thing was that I don't fit in (which isn't as sad, it's just lonely), another thing was that although I am 21, so many people do not see me as being 21. I guess growing up in that environment around those particular people, I'm always gonna be seen as so-and-so's daughter, or so-and-so's little sister. It just get's tiring at times I suppose. The last thing I realized, which was just a consistent relapse in my mind was...."garbage in, garbage out". I just wish to be salt and light to a world that is bland and dark.
The title of this post pertains to something that has been on my mind for a good week or so. I realized the other night while I was laying in bed thinking, that compassion does not require understanding. Let me explain! Example: There is a child that is dieing of AIDS in Africa. As a compassionate human being, you feel for this child and have that compassion for them, because they are in the situation they are in. You hurt for them. But this hurt and compassion that you feel for them, does not come from understanding how they got to be in the situation they are in, it's just a natural reaction of a compassionate person to feel compassion for someone going through such turmoil. It's not a necessity to understand how they got into that situation and why they are in that situation or for another matter, why they are upset about being in that situation. You just feel and hurt for them, because they hurt themselves. This has recently hit home with me, because of personal experiences in my life. *this is too much to go into detail*
Well, I hope my slight enlightenment didn't annoy anyone or whatever...I'm sure you aren't reading them anyways.
I'll just remove my mind to a happy thought...:-D

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Ah, the beginning of a consistent lapse of sanity...

So I joined the bandwagon of mindless creatures that decide to pen their thoughts online. Actually calling them mindless is inaccurate on my part, for there minds are in full view to the rest of this internet world.

This summer is beginning to drive me insane. With as much idle time to drive even the laziest individual insane, I cannot help but wonder what I am doing with my life?! I guess all will be revealed in patient time, or so I hope. My excess of time though is allowing for a lot of refreshing my soul in various areas. I have been able to dutifully delve deeper into the art of journaling, but at the same time finding myself in a black hole of writer's block. I hate it!

In the past 3 weeks I have been able to read 5 books I have had on my shelf for awhile. That makes me happy, and I continue to read the books that are piling up. I feel that somehow I am expanding my knowledge and my brain is getting a workout to be able to escape into the books I read. I wonder how my life would sound if I was a character in a novel? hmm...interesting thought I say.
I'm finding God is glorious in his preparations for my future these weeks. Being taught a lot lately on my own frailties and faults. It really is tough to face yourself sometimes. but being reminded that all is for the sake of character, engraved my the Lord of Heavens...brings a smile to my face.

My fears are attacking me, as I have found out a few weeks ago about the internship that seemed to be a salvation for career purposes, was not going as well I had hoped for it to turn. however, I was informed to keep in contact, I quote "he really wants to hire you, just give him time to figure out the situation at hand"...still i've left with an uneasy feeling that things just aren't going to turn out how I would hope they would. The saddest part is that my current employment is driving me to my wit's end. I pray that Jesus will give me the patience and strength to endure to the end, however far away that end may be. On a lighter, somewhat humorous, somewhat shameful note....I got a call from the DQ out here today. They want to hire me to work out here on the extra time I have, how precious, but then I wonder if I made the right choice by going back there...on top of having to swallow my pride and do it, I at the same time am forfeiting a lot of time that otherwise could be spent...doing...ummm...well...i'm not doing anything, but what if something comes up?? OK, OK...excuses I if i get it, i'll try it out and see what happens, I just hope the loyalty factor doesn't fall into place...I'm weak!!

Well, I've officially made my first posting way too long for anyone to read, cause I can almost guarantee that barely anyone will read it, but hey...humor me, huh!!