Thursday, September 29, 2005

la la la...

Singing along with the voices in my head...

My thoughts right now are wide...and yet narrow. I have so much going through my head, it's craziness!!

I'm thinking about graduation, and suddenly decided to start sending my resume to various places, how fun is that! I probably won't get much response, but hey, at least I feel a little better for attempting, right?! So I'm thinking about what I want to do, with my life and just what I want to do in general right now!

I really really really wanna do something fun for myself. I know that sounds extremely selfish and is constantly convicting me, but I wanna be enthralled by the beauty of God. I wanna be swept up into something amazing (I know I already am, I just wanna feel it). I wanna go to Italy. I know this is fairly random, but it's true. And the way my mind works, is that I think about how soon I need to go or what-have-you, before it's too late and I'm stuck in the 9-5 rut (which I hope to never really get "stuck" in). So yeah, I really wanna take that trip...really really wanna! I also wanna learn sign language, as I said in a previous post, and I wanna learn the piano. Have you ever thought about being in a certain fantasy realm so-to-speak. Early I was thinking about how amazing and just beautiful it would feel to be setting in front of a grand piano, in a dark room with a single candle for light, playing the most amazing music and pouring my soul to God in the process. I do believe that is why I want to play the piano. Too bad, I have no musical ability and cannot read music (thanks for trying Kara). I have a deep desire to learn the piano though..i mean it' whoa! I've also been thinking about what kind of a job I would be happy in...this sometimes upsets me, cause I fear I will not be happy in the working realm, but then I think that is where I am most prosperous and I feel that is where God is calling me, and using me...I we ever no for sure?! Also, when I think of this "dream job"...I think of how unreachable it least immediately. I feel as if it will takes years to get to that point, and I fear those years previous to achieving the said goal....okay enough mind will continue to mull through everything...*sigh*


Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Talk about a load. I just got done talking to my mom on the phone. The latest of the family whereabouts and such is quite a mess. See, my relatives who were lucky enough to be saved from the wrath of Hurricane Katrina, were not overlooked by Hurricane Rita. Thankfully though, they were able to get out of Lake Charles before Rita hit, and all of them (the whole lot of 18 of them) were deeply effected (is it effected or affected) by Rita's hit. So, as of right now roughly 9, or maybe 11, I lost count...of them are coming back to good ole' West Virginia to stay with relatives. Namely, as of the mother! My poor parents...please pray for them. Mainly the majority of these cousins coming back are children. Which I found out will be enrolled in my old primary school back home for the next month to month and a half. So yeah, it's crazy and confusing. I'm happy to see my cousins, whom I love dearly, yet haven't seen in years. I just wish the circumstances could be better.

On a happy note of all of this, damage was high on their homes, but all were salvageable. Thank God!

later yo!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

this and that

hello all! So this weekend was crazy!! Let me just tell ya about it!

My sister got married on Saturday! Which was beautiful! It was so great to see all my family and spend time together with them in such a joyful setting. I loved it! The wedding was gorgeous, my sister was beautiful and everything went smoothly, after we got over the inital bumps. :-) It truly was a great time and I have plenty of pictures to prove it, sorry I'm not postin' 'em on here! You'll have to IM me to see them ;)

Other than that, WVU played ECU this weekend and won!! Wahoo for an undefeated far!

So right now, i'm exhausted, and i've procrastinated so much, and just literally semi-drained of energy, but...I'm in a fairly good mood, which is great! Much love to all my people.....catch ya on the flipside!


Monday, September 19, 2005

2.5 seconds

Okay this'll be quick! To my readers, oh i know there is very few of you...I'm using this as my outlet right now, my mind and heart needs to let it out!

I wanna read! I wanna get back into reading my novels again. I just bought two books today and I'm so excited to read them...and yet I feel like I do not have the time to do so! *sigh*

Also, just a little tidbit of information for anyone who really cares. I really wanna learn sign language! yes, sign language! not because I know anyone who's deaf, but because I would love to learn more on how to communicate with someone who is!

i'll try and write more later...


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Howdy! So procrastinating is BAD! I've learned this! Among the other things I've had the chance to explore lately has actually been, my homework. I've been reading a lot of research on dietary supplement, hopelessness, and the negativity effect. This stuff if very interesting actually. I mean how can the FDA allow a claim to be put on a dietary supplement, then basically put a disclaimer, which tends to be in extremely small print, that basically refutes the claim itself?! There is a problem here!! Anyways!

Alright, so what's been my life lately?! Honestly, I have trouble answering that question. I've done a lot with band, some with work, got some extra sleep, done some homework, and some goofin' off, as well. The question I ask myself though is what have I done that matters?? So many questions floating in my mind right now pertaining to this, that, and EVERYTHING in between! Oh well!

So what's up in my mind right now....who knows?!

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about a certain situation...ugh...figuring things out can sometimes be fun, but more often than not leave you feeling like you are in a world of uncertainty!

Updates at the apartment, for anyone who cares, we got 2 new fish, a snail and a frog. Hopefully Akuji will not eat any of them. I believe their names were Nuria, Keanu, Hector, and the frog was yet to be named. The League of Nations we are forming in our fish tank is amazing, soon it will be war of the nations and if any of them die, we'll see who is the superior :-)

alright, on that note...later yo...**catch ya on the flipside!

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

I'm tired...of myself. The irritation I am finding in my soul searching is beyond my own comprehension. I wonder why I tend to worry or even allow an excessive amount of thought to something, that truly is not in my control. Lord, take it away.

I've been inspired to type some randomness into this here we go!

: these mysterious inabilities to create the mass chaos in this unfound world of the mundane alludes to the only thing that holds this inept life together - (04-25-05):

--I really want to go walk the brick streets in Italy...oh how I long for romance.
--I really want to meet my half-brother.
--I really want to pour my heart and soul into something I love.
--I really want to pour my heart and soul into someone I love.
--I really long to grasp the beauty of God, beyond comprehension.
--I really wish you knew my heart and loved me just the same.


Monday, September 5, 2005


wow! So..I feel that for the last week I've been somewhat (choosingly) oblivious to the happenings of hurricane katrina in the south. It wasn't until this weekend, as I was at home with my family, that I truly focused on this devastating event. My mom, who watches CNN, FoxNews, and MSNBC like it's her life, decided to numerous times inform me of the updates with the situation at hand. My mind was numb, watching the images roll across the screen. I was happy; however, in realizing that the hurricane went northeast instead of northwest, b/c having gone northwest my aunt, uncle, and their roughly 20 kids and grandkids houses would've all been demolished in it's path. My thoughts went blank at that point. Roaming through were the words "catastrophic" and "5"...I just didn't understand why some people would choose to stay, when the odds...terribly not in their favor. I've heard so many opinions and thoughts too pertaining to what is going on now, and what should be done and all this stuff...and I just do not know. My response to more shock than anything else. But at the same time, I wish I could take off the next few weeks and go and help people...I'm somewhat surprised by this delayed response of mine, but I want to leave and help...I want to make a difference in helping someone else return to a normal (whatever that may be) state of living. heart breaks for them.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

**sidenote: I tend to not title the things I write, until maybe..a later date, if I feel like it! Also...this one is not necessarily words ran dry...mind you, not my thoughts! :-) Enjoy!**

The piercing pain of my bleeding heart,
among the silent cries of hope...
drawing yet another into the recluse
of love immortal.
Everything surrounds, entangles and drowns
in this pool of emotions.
As the air thickens between us
my inner being whispers a prayer.
Oh Holy Father, who knows the hearts frailty
better than I...
Piece together the brokenness that I must endure.
Your hands smooth over any distortion of who I am.
My longings reveal Your touch.
May Your fingerprints be evident.
Oh...wrap me in the gentle comfort of Your arms
and hold the aching of my soul...