Monday, August 29, 2005

Totally Random!

I'm in the mood for some 'raw' experiences! I mean those that just invoke every part of your being and afterwards, you are like...that was awesome!! I wanna be "swept away in the arms of love", I wanna be told "have I told you lately that I love you", I wanna hear the beating of the heart, other than my own! My romantic heart is gasping for breath in this world of unfathomable self-consciousness!

Let your heart hear these words!!

"Are we debating just to win the argument?" - JR

"My greatest strength is also my strongest weakness" - JR

"Together we sing...everyone sing.." - CT

"When troubles come and my heart burdened be; then, I am still and wait here in the silence, until you come and sit awhile with me." - JG

"Under the weight of a clear endless sky. It seems like we waste all our time making time." - HoH

"Your words rip and tear through my heart so weak and pure" - AS

"Yet another day seems like it's wasted, you don't feel you're any closer to the prize...things will get better this I promise you." - Sp

"I am alive in love, a love that will never die, Jesus, Your love is what keeps me alive" - TA

"The earth is filled with His Glory" - CT

"Sovereign, You are still sovereign, even when confusion has blinded my eyes....I come into Your chambers and I dance at Your feet Lord!" - UNKNOWN

"My depths of solitude are only seen by Him alone." - D


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The madness!!!!

Hey all! so far, this week has been...a unique one to say the least. I don't know yet what is to come of some situations, but I hope for the best.

Got some disheartening news last night...I really am feeling satan attacking relational bonds that are close to me, and just altogether attacking the hearts of those that mean so much to me. Prayer is a much needed thing right now!

"Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name"

Today was my first actual day of classes, wahoo for being a senior. The greatest part was that I only really had two classes. of them was my dance class!!! It was awesome, I loved it, so much fun, not even kidding you!!! The Aluna Lui is amazing!! But yeah anyways...alright that's it for now, I'll add some poetry I wrote a short while ago and you can give me your critiques if you would like, or praise, or whatever you feel like...;-)

"A vast openness before me, calling my name into the wild untamed terrain. Who is to be my voice in this space, that is too large for me to be heard? How am I to know the way to go? Everything seems so settled, unconsumed, untouched. My Lord, You will show me the way through this wooded abyss that will not devour my soul. All my love, everything defines me, and more!"


"The grip of passion instills in me a desire to be filled by You.

The pierced, bruises, open sores that bear a resemblance to life anew.

Anguish, pain, this all surrounds me entirely...

To the extent of loss of hope? NEVER.

Enduring, believing, all that you have for me...

Do otherwise? How could I ever?!

You hold the barriers that shape the romance of my life.

All in Your hands...the love, the happiness, the anger, and the strife.

Help me feel Your Presence near me!"

Sunday, August 21, 2005


Well hello everyone! To all my anxious readers (sure...let me believe it)...I would like to say how's it been? I know my posting lately have been sporadic, at the least, but also haven't been much to "chew on", so to speak. I'm not sure if this post will quench anyone thirst either, but enjoy anyway I suppose.

So band camp is over, thank the Lord! I can't help it, but it needed to be done! It was hot, exhausting, I was irritable. The only good thing about it, was getting the little bit that we were able to get finished, accomplished! That was great! So, now that band camp is over, we all know what that means....classes start back up! This, I'm unsure of my feelings of as of yet. Since I don't have class until tuesday, b/c I was fortunate to find out that your senior year is so much more laid-back than the previous three years of your undergrad, I'm not quite sure of how things will work out! I am, however, looking forward to my dance class! Ballroom dancing will be fun...hopefully! I can pretend I know how to dance a little until mr. right sweeps me off my feet on the dance floor?! I'm hoping and praying that this semest doesn't exhaust me too much...I would like to make enough memories to enjoy it! As of yet, I have two jobs (possibly one within the coming weeks, we'll see how that turns out), I have 13 hours, plus CRU leadership and Rifle leadership and Rank leadership in guard. But 2 of those hours are band (oh yeah, did I mention that band takes up about 20some hours a week of my life in the fall?!), another 2 of those are my ballroom/folk/square dancing class. Wahoo for PE classes! In all actuality I only have 2 main 'capstone' courses, and my independent study. I hope I'm able to survive.

Now that the boringness is over. Lately I've been thinking alot about random things. Isn't that great?! I mean thoughts have ran through my head about what I wanna do after graduation and so on and so forth, and I keep thinking that I don't wanna plan anything, I mean in all seriousness, to take it one day at a time, is great advice. 'Cause if I plan something, 10 to 1 it won't turn out the way I plan it...I'm not in control of my life, I've given that control over to the One who rightfully deserves it! I just pray I'm able to keep up with Him! I'm gonna fall in rank...sleep time ya'll! (yeah yeah it's only 1030..i'm a bum..but i'm allowed to be one right now!)

Catch ya' on the flipside!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

band my life

So yeah..I haven't posted anything in a while. Let me just explain in two words:


oh and sidenote jason....the comment on my other post...was NOT a friend of mine and has been removed..thank you for bringing that to my attention! :-)

Anyways, so band camp has been my life for the past few days, if not week! We are progressing well and the first show should definitely be a good one!! I'm kind of excited for it!

plus...classes start next week, so...busy busy busy! I don't really know what else to say, I feel kind of hurried right now! So maybe I'll check back later...just wanted to update! later ya'll

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Rant! let me just say, I love everyone! But I especially love all my christian friends. Ah..the fellowship! It truly is ahhhmazing! Like a breath of fresh spirited air!

Can I address a grievance though?!

Sincerity?! Let's define this now: sincerity !
My favorite definition listed would have to be "the quality of being open and truthful; not deceitful or hypocritical". Now in my years of being around church-folk alike and many others who profess a christian belief system, I have encountered some who do not fit into this definition. Now, mind you, I am not perfect and there are times alone that I do not fit either. Always fitting is not the key, but rather the attempt to be sincere is. Let me explain myself. Lately I have delved deeper into my own true self and who God has made me, specifically, to be. Which is truly an adventure. As well as noting this, I have also noticed the fellowship that includes "Hi, how are you doing, how is your life?"...which is not a bad thing to do, but the motives, feelings, and overall sincerity behind it, is the issue. Now some tend to believe it is part of the facade that some put up. That they have to appear pleasant and loving at all times. Which I don't disagree with or agree with either. But, when you ask me how my life is...don't brush the conversation away after 5 minutes?! I mean do you really care?! Or are you doing your christian duty of checking up?! How does that work?

I fear that within today's culture, today's youth and especially today's young adult generation there is a press to fit the mold. What mold you ask? The mold of the somewhat, but not-so-stereotyped christian. I mean think about it! How do you think a christian should act? That is the wrong question, it is not how we perceive christianity to fit into the wholeness of society. We cannot be another fad, or phase, or subculture of society. We are a living, breathing, body! Is the body breathing as a whole?
I believe, that as christians, we are not supposed to be the mothers and the fathers of the unsaved or the newly-reborn. I do not believe that our position is to check-up and check-out (for the most part) on the lives of those around us. We are brothers and sisters, we are supposed to build relationships! Christ is all about relationships! Solid-built relationships! Not a say hi, hello, how are you and then nothing till five months later, another hi, hello, how are you!

Okay, well I sincerely hope that this wasn't just a rant, but maybe my own step towards a more sincere outreach!

Monday, August 8, 2005

Oh..the poo!

Okay...I'm tired. Let me just start on a happy note :-)..sure!

Well this weekend was fun, sort of! I had my sister's bridal shower on saturday, that was fun. I surprisingly knew quite a bit about my that was cool. I got to play the cheesy games and everything, so score for that and fun food. OH and one of the most amazing parts of the day, was the fact that my aunt, who's like the greatest cook ever...made me a red velvet cake..oh my's amazing!

but, let me just rant a moment. I guess I'm getting into the age bracket now that's gotta get used to what I'm about to rant about, but okay! So, when I was at the bridal shower, I got asked numerous times the infamous question, "You gotta man?"...almost said like if I had the time. nonchalant, with a slight bit of care. I think it's because for a while now I've been hearing the "You're next" comments from around the family. Considering I am the youngest and only one not married or about to be! Oh well...I guess I'll just get used to it, but ya know! I mean about we ask more about my life, it doesn't revolve around whether or not I have a significant other. Also, my next steps in life will not be designated to marriage or relationships...we live in different times people. I'm still figuring out what God wants me to do with my life, that person will fit into HIS schedule and plans!

on another note...

So I've been working at my second job quite a bit lately, and we open on wednesday, wahoo for that! It's been fun working there, and interesting to see how everything gets put together. My feet are killing me though. I seriously hope and pray that everything works together once school and such gets all together with this second. I don't wanna collapse from the continuous movement and working....and I hope to actually have a social life. So i guess we'll see! I work with some pretty fun people, so hopefully we won't get into trouble...much! :-)

So...I know this is short and sucky but I'm gonna some tv with my extra time.

*Wyatt Earp*Catch ya' on the flipside*

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Ho hum!

What to say? Well, not really sure, but I'm sure I can come up with something!

I'd first like to recognize an amazing quote from an article I recently read on Relevant Magazine online:

"go say this to a friend, “Hey, man, you should check out ‘Honky Tonk Badonkadonk,’” and see if he doesn’t punch you in the face."

LOL! Cracks me up everytime! Alright, where was I..oh yeah..don't really have much to ramble about. Anyways...

On a happy note, John Cooper, lead singer of Skillet , recently become a father again! Him and his wife, Korey, are now the proud parents of a baby boy, Xavier! precious! I will not be surprised if their kids are deaf...all that screaming!

Here's where I'll pay some homage to the new job! Ah...I'm gonna enjoy this! "Everything in the store is $9.98 or less...We've got your back!"

If you haven't yet noticed, I'm having fun using the Google Image Search!

Okay so...I wanna take a trip! And I'm not meaning a piddly little trip! For some reason today I started thinking about an overseas trip. I really really really wanna go to Europe! I think the reason this came up was because I was thinking about how I've said alot that that is a place I would like to visit. Well, see...if I go it would have to be like right after graduation, b/c it's doubtful that I would be able to plan in something like that when I get into the world of 9-5...but who now I'm like wanna go NOW! Who knows...anyone wanna come with me?!

Let's see what you all know about me, if you can answer the following questions correctly, I'll...I don't know...take ya out to eat..or at least Coldstone! Yum Yum!!

1. What is my eye color?

2. Where do I wanna visit before I die?

3. Name one of my guilty pleasures?

4. How many guys have I dated?

5. What about me, could be said is a 'miracle'?

..and on that note..I'll catch ya on the flipside!


Monday, August 1, 2005

To wonder...

My mind wonders! about what you say? oh..many things.

This past weekend was colorguard clinic (both saturday and sunday..blah). So needless to say, I'm burnt. I'll admit it, I'm an idiot. I didn't realize it was going to be as hot as it was. I assumed since the weather was supposed to be almost degrees less from the usual that it wouldn't be so bad. I was wrong! it hurts! But I'm not throwing myself a pity party.

I'm continue to wonder about some of the ways I am. I know that God has made me the way I am for a reason, but I wonder..why? What kind of character do I possess? I I supposed to change, no..that's probably not I supposed to use this or that quality..maybe not?! Who knows! My stubborn will, I'm sure I have that as a good thing and a bad thing...I guess learning when it's good and when it's not..would be first to figure out! I just cannot help myself! I find myself saying things or doing things that are the norm for me, and for my "qualities" I display...then five minutes later I feel like I need to be kicked in the butt for it. Am I cursed with a lover's heart? Am I cursed with blunt honesty? Am I cursed with a "real" personality?! I do not know, but I'd like to believe not. I just pray that God will show me what it is that He has for me, and the use for these qualities, as He sees fit. I feel so awkward, I feel so alone. I feel...forget it..

"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not dissapoint us..." - Romans 5:3-5