Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Memory Meme

Okay, Jason put me up to this, but what the's all in good fun right?!

Ten years ago: I was 11. The only worry I could have had was whether or not the boy in my art class liked me!?

Five years ago: I was 16. Just learning to be semi-independent, got my own job...made some ideas as to what i wanted to do with my how that has changed!

One year ago: I was contemplating what God has planned for my life...still trying to figure that one out!

Yesterday: I went to work...watched tv...and went to bed early with a raging headache!

Today: I woke up early for work, and worked my first day at my 2nd job! wahoo for building jean cubes and t-shirt cubes!

Tomorrow: another full day of fun!

5 snacks I enjoy: yum, snacks!
1. fruit snacks
2. madarin oranges
3. baby corn with french dressing...and pepperoni...oh that's great!
4. gummy bears or cherries!
5. kettle corn popcorn

5 bands that I know the lyrics of most of their songs: oh this list could go on and on for like ever!
1. Falling Up
2. Skillet
3. Jennifer Knapp
4. Relient K
5. Kutless

5 things I would do with $100,000,000:
1. Get out of debt!!!!!!!!!
2. Pay off any family debts!
3. Give money to Fire Escape!
4. Give money to my local church!
5. Give money to cancer research!

5 locations I’d like to runaway to:
1. Paris
2. London
3. Jerusalem (okay so not right at this moment, but I definitely wanna go there someday)
4. California
5. Home!

5 bad habits I have:
1. Talk too much!
2. I have no will power when it comes to certain foods!
3. I have no will power when it comes to DVD buying! Right Kara?!
4. I burp...well, I belch..I can't help it..I have a gaseous stomach! at least it's burps!
5. I tend to interrupt people sometimes! I'm sorry!

5 things I like doing:
1. Writing
2. Talking
3. Reading
4. Sleeping
5. Listening to music!
**not necessarily in that order! :-)

5 things I would never wear (again):
1. bellbottoms
2. a tube least not by itself!
3. bright orange jeans!
4. a skull cap
5. a ponytail on the side of my head!

5 TV shows I like:
1. CSI Season One
2. CSI Season Two
3. CSI Season Three
4. CSI Season Four
5. CSI Season Five

5 movies I like:
1. The Prince & Me
2. Little Women
3. Batman
4. Boondock Saints
5. The Notebook

5 famous people I’d like to meet:
1. President Bush
2. Abraham Lincoln
3. Paul the Apostle
4. Stephen the Martyer
5. Jesus...of course!

5 biggest joys at the moment:
1. reading...somewhat
2. watching movies
3. talking to friends
4. hanging out with friends
5. sleeping!

5 favorite toys:
I have NKOTB puzzles now!! other than that my only toy is my MP3 player!

Who's next?

I'll tag Kara, Alisha, and Lance.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


Loss for words, my sould does speak the volumes are endless and leak into the heart and soul of another to whom my speech is enthralled. Cries are silent but echo to extremes of hope, life, love and dreams that carry the burden of life unspoken, bottled, bruised, tormented and broken. Depths behold me and all there is, is a choice, to speak my mind, raise my voice, to hear the silence, see the scars, to display my heart, and allow it's weakness to be unveiled! To you my love!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Okay so I ripped this off of kara ( but she apparently ripped it off of her friend ashley, who ripped it off of her friend oh well! enjoy!

♥First best friend: Daniel and Gia, this girl and her brother that were my next door neighbors
♥First screen name: heavenly_fate
♥First teacher: Ms. Janie and Ms. Darlene
♥First action figure: does rainbow bright count?
♥Self-purchased album: probably the backstreet boys, back in the day!
♥First funeral: technical first was brother my grandmother's when i was 6 mos. old
♥First pets: hamsters: Feasty and Fiesty (yeah we were creative)
♥First piercing/tattoo: piercing: ears, tattoo: center of upper back
♥Last car ride: home from work
♥Last good cry: I'm not sure if there is a such thing as a "good cry"
♥Last movie seen: at home: I've tried to watch King Arthur, the first one like 80 theater: Fantastic Four
♥Last beverage drank: surprisingly...H2O
♥Last food consumed: gummie cherries
♥Last phone call: my mom
♥Last shoes worn: sneakers
♥Last item bought: Coldstone
♥Last annoyance:'s too fresh to discuss
♥Last time wanting to die: the second tuesday of last week
♥Do you do drugs?: nope
♥What kind of shampoo do you use?: I like the dove shampoo
♥What are you most scared of?: failing
♥What are you listening to right now?: MTV...crap TV
♥How many buddies are online right now?: 38
♥Color: red
♥Food: all food in general, i'm not hard to please
♥Boy name: Caleb Michael
♥Girl name: Alexia Grace
♥Subjects in school: Math
♥Abbreviation: all of them, anything to kill the literacy of America is great!
♥Animals: kittens, puppies, hamsters..anything small and fluffy
♥Perfume: whatever smells pretty, I'm not too particular
♥Given anyone a bath?: I'll go with a no on that one
♥Smoked?: no
♥Bungee jumped?: i did the sky coaster at king's dominion
♥Made yourself throw up?: I would weigh, way less if i did umm...NO
♥Skinny dipped?:...well there was this one time...just kidding..No
♥Ever been in love?: yes I have
♥Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Nope.
♥Cried when someone died?: yes, I mean I do have a heart
♥Been rejected?: more than I like to recall
♥Rejected someone?: I think there was this one guy...
♥Done something you regret?: Yes
♥You touched: I don't remember
♥Hugged: I think I gave Jess a hug last night
♥You IMed: Andrew
♥IMed you: Dave
♥Called you: Steve & Barry's
♥You called: Mom
♥Kissed: no-one
♥Bought you flowers: the boys on V-Day
♥Coke or Pepsi: Coke!
♥Flowers or candy: either or....the sentiment is wonderful
♥Tall or short: my height or taller, there is nothing wrong with a guy being the same height as the girl...
♥In the morning I am: cranky and tired...not a morning person
♥All I need is: I'll go with"all you need is love"
♥Love is: "like oxygen"
♥I dream about: everything
♥What do you notice first: what lies underneath the facial expression
♥Last person you danced with: sadly, probably someone from prom like 3 years ago or something.
♥Makes you smile: happy things
♥Who has a crush on you: no-one...unless i'm lucky and he likes me back *wink* *wink*
♥Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no, I like being a girl!
♥Wish you were younger: nah
♥Of times I have had my heart broken: a thought I don't like to recall
♥Of hearts I have broken: I doubt any..but if i had to wager...maybe one
♥Of continents I have lived in: 1
♥Of CD's I own: I think I surpassed the 100 mark
♥Of scars on body: only a few

that took a long time and I was only halfway paying attention!

How about this?!

alright people! Let me just tell ya'...everything seems to be working together so well right far...truly amazing! Thank You God!! I mean I finally situated my "situation" over graduate school, which I am super excited about. and then I got the new job that I already posted about, and there was informal interview about an internship next Spring, and if you know the end result of the "situation" for grad school, you'd know why I'm super pumped about that as well! :-) It's just great!

Lance,...this next part is for you!!
I've been touching base on a lot of new music lately and checking out the sounds of various bands and giving my ears lots of amazing listenings. So I'll just give ya' my opinions! 1st and is amazing..I don't know if you all listening to them, but truly ahhhmazing. Too bad I can only get the internet version..darn you Ohio! Anyways, Falling Up's new CD comes out in November, I think!! Their new single "Exit Calypson"...awesome! I suggest it to anyone! Also discovered a band called April Sixth...I've only heard the song "Dear Angel", but let me I love it!! House of Heroes is good too...Kara and I were discussing the similarities between their sound and Chemical Romance, I suggest "Serial Sleepers" for your listening pleasure! I also got to listen to Spoken's "Promise" which I haven't heard in like forever, I forgot about this band and I hate myself for it! Truly great! I've listened to some new stuff from Haste the Day, Thousand Foot Krutch, John Reuben (Nuisance is wonderful), Switchfoot, and Flyleaf. A few other newbies I've heard lately were Sides of the North "Melody"....I really like this song if someone could send me a copy of it, that would be great, also Plumb's "I Can't Do This"...the similarity between the lead singer's voice and Amy Lee from Evanescance is weird, odd too the singer's name is Tiffany Lee? Could there be a relation..who knows! I just theorize! Alright enough of that, it's just been so long since I was able to go psycho over the music....I LOVE IT!!! :-)

In other parts of my life! I believe I'm going insane...I just and starting to hate it! No the insanity is not because of boredom or anything of that sort. Instead...I'm being a girl. oooohhh...wellll!

Good joke for those who haven't heard it and wanna hear it!...later yo!

Monday, July 18, 2005

What the freak?!

Don't ask where that outburst came from!

So let me tell ya'...hold on, lost my train of thought. Oh yeah..this weekend..I got a letter in the mail saying I'd been randomly selected, "randomly selected for what?" you say...none other than..JURY DUTY! What the freak!! Okay so that's where the outburst came from, let me just tell ya, I don't have time for this. So if anyone knows anyway I can get out of it, I'm willing to hear my options. I heard that I could get out of it, just b/c I'm a student..that would be great & convenient!

In other news, I'm "thoughtfully considering", or at least that's the way I've addressed my e-mails to people, graduate studies! Wahoo for more time at college! Yeah right...I'm about to go insane, but hey I need to weigh my options. Either way I'll be poor!

Kara doesn't think I could be a fashion merchandiser, let me just say, I WILL NOT be working for Gucci or Versace. Not that hoity-toity fashion next-top-model crap. Geeze, I have taste! Anyways..I have never even really thought about fashion merchandising, that is until now..hmmm..I'll let my thoughts process for a while.

OH wow, I just got a call from Steve & Barry's...I got the job! YESSS!!!! So you are the first to know, don't you feel lucky. On that note...I must depart for the day, maybe I'll check back later.

*Catch ya' on the flipside*

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


I wrote the following about 7 months ago...I recall it now as I process my thoughts on a variety of things. I feel the necessity to remember a previous moment in which I feel is similar to my current 'season'! I hope that in some way it is able to speak volumes...

from the depths my weakness cries out for an ear to hear it's voice. this inner being desires more than what this life can offer...I watch and wait with what little patience I possess and wonder what is left to this journey. silent cries, lost tears, nothing left but lonliness and isolation. so what is it this time? from here to there, each place, each step, all striving to further some unknown void, to possess some unknown or unspoken quality or life that just doesn't exist. it's all meaningless and never ceasing. so why, what...all the questions life has to offer, all that rears it's ugliness into this existence of mine. who can hear my cries, who can understand my pleas, who knows the inner most being that is me? these questions never cease. i lie here for hours and hours and continue to question all that is imaginable. from the inner most pains and struggles to nothing. what? why? where? I mean how is it that it all exist in me without me understanding or even relating any reasoning to it. my depths of solitude are only seen by Him alone. He only knows all that my life entails. is it true that all that is me, all that will be me and all that was me, He's known all along? what matter of character do I possess to find my gifts from God? He is my Almighty Comforter at all times. to know that his love is all I'll ever need...simply amazing. "You are the light of the world, Jesus is the light, lead us out of darkness and into Your marvelous light." my mind is a paradox even to me! how is it that these complexities can somehow piece themselves together and form a masterpiece? How is it that I can be seen in such a light by the One who created all! I cry to you Oh Lord! You know my heart, You know the desires therein. the affliction that sometimes haunts my very being, those that shoot so far to my core that I feel the piercing pain of needles killing and blinding my existence. my eyes are closed to what you have for me. Open them, Oh Lord. Open my heart to all You have for me. To all You believe there is for my life. these thoughts burn in for an eager mind to find out more, to acquire as much knowledge as I can to try to undersand and piece together whatever it is that tears at my flesh and soul. why in a room so full can I see myself alone. i stand out in a crowd, but not such to draw attention. i envision for myself....i do not even know. life is in such a short time, supposedly, such a great adventure. i just wonder what this adventure is? where am I to go, with whom, by whom? love is generally my passion in life. love is one that never ceases. God's love is what brings me through all and brings me to all. God, praise You Lord, for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me, I praise You for everything that lies in me, whether simple or complex. I know that there exist many such things in myself and my life that I will never understand until Your time to reveal that to me. Your passionate comfort is that strong fire that warms me in the coldest of winters. where is it that You'll lead me,...nowhere Your fires will not warm me, this i know. You make all things beautiful in Your time. YOUR TIME!! To have just a slight glimpse into Your time and existence is beyond my comprehension. so what can You do, that I can truly understand. My attempts, though strong and unwavering, are useless, for You are HOLY! You alone possess the only wisdom that can even finish this sentence...My thoughts do not cease, but my words faint.To know You my love.To hear You my love.To hold You my love.The desires of my heart are these. All I have to say.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Emphasis Necessary!

ISAIAH 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Soverign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkenss for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vendeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called mighty oaks, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Childhood Memories

Ah, the joys of childhood, oh how we remember them all! This is in response to Jason's "5 Childhood Memories" post ( Props to him by the way!

Childhood Memories, in no particular order:

Feathered Bangs! Let's just say, ladies...what were we thinking? I look back now and for some reason I can remember thinking that feathered bangs were the greatest thing in the world, I mean the possibilities were endless with hairdos. Although embarassment is slight when these are brought back to memory, laughter ensues on my part. I cannot help but laugh at myself.

Double-Layered Socks! I luckily, wasn't a hardcore victim of this craze, but still, older sister!! But, I did happen to adore my multi-colored socks. I thought it was just great to have pink socks and blue socks and all sorts of colors, and sadly I have the pictures to prove it!

New Kids on the Block! Let me just tell you, I adored NKOTB. They were definitely the greatest thing since sliced bread! I had the dolls and the covers, oh geeze...I was in love with these guys...too bad they broke up. I'm waiting for the reunion! :-)

Easy Bake Oven & Woodburning Kit! I loved my Easy Bake Oven! Yes Jason, cooking by a lightbulb was the greatest invention ever! My sister's woodburning kit was great too, and still I don't understand, unsafe toys...I mean seriously, you gave a child a metal rod that heated to 5000 degrees and let them run free with it...hey I had fun!

80's Movies
! Kara, this one is for you! The Breakfast Club, Footloose...oh the list goes on and on and never gets old to me! I love them all! Only one thing left to say...Teen Witch comes out on DVD on July 12!!! :-)

Well I hope this has amused you, at least in the slightest of terms...cause I know it's made me laugh...more later yo!


Monday, July 4, 2005



Sorry, I just wanted to celebrate! So what's up?! Umm...let's see...I ran today, for a complete total of 15 minutes...needless to say, running isn't for me. Still to this day, I will never understand why people run because they "enjoy" it?! Just doesn't make sense. Oh well!

I think my boredom that I've endured for the past couple of months is calling upon some enlightenment, just a moment. Maybe such knowledge makes me feel less stagnant and more usable to society.

This beautiful day makes me wonder what I am doing in here typing on this blog, oh yeah...I just remembered....heat is the devil!...okay so I didn't mean that. I do wish I could enjoy the beauty of the sun, I love it, it's beautiful, but it hurts me! :-(

My mind wanders into an abyss of nothingness as my soul searches for answers to questions that continue to prod at my heart. This fear inside I've bured so deep and put aside so long, has now decided to face existence and try to break my stronghold on this confounded world I live in. I weaken and feel myself falling further into the despair that binds me. I have no understanding of how to relieve myself from these fears that continually ache in my existence. I cry to You Lord Jesus, take them away! All I have is You and You are all I need in this life. Close these open wounds, never to be revealed again and calm my aching soul. I cannot even pretend to fathom the awesome power that is the God, Lord of all...yet I pray for this power to work in me. For now my soul so weary, my heart bleeding slowly, rests in the hands of the Lord.

Friday, July 1, 2005

eh, who knows....

alright people...not sure exactly what I'm gonna say, but I've been hackled to post more (just kidding). Anyways...first off, Dan....badonkadonk....female booty, please never again refer to your own rear end by using that word. :-)

I put this picture in here to illustrate a few things. sister and I do get along, #2...feathering your bangs is never a good idea, and #3 old times. This picture is a terrible one of my sister, myself in the middle and my cousin. See I don't have many of these pictures. "these pictures" are ones of my family, and especially my cousin. She passed away about 5 years ago. As I set here I wonder what happened to the time that has passed, the memories shared, do they begin to fade. There are times when it seems the only memories of particular people in my life, are either brief glimpses into their lives, their pain, or of remembrance of the pain endured after they were gone. I do not understand it myself. It is true, you do not know what you've got, until it's gone.

"these mysterious inabilities to create the mass chaos in this unfound world of the mundane alludes to the only thing that holds this inept life together" - (04-25-05)

Another topic of bible study tonight we breifly discussed that when we chose God, we realized, that there isn't anyone else to lead us! Plainly, there is no other choice. Now thinking about this, we went on to discuss how we felt when we saw those around us who turned to God, suddenly turn away. It breaks my heart to recall those lives that seemed so adamant on following the Lord, yielding to their own desires of the flesh. I have moments where I wonder about my own faith, God why don't I just give up! and tonight while thinking about it, I pondered the thought of life differently, so to speak. I cannot understand it, it does not makes sense for me to turn my back on Him. That's when I realized that God had engraved my faith, my belief, into my very being. I rejoice at this! Oh Lord, to know that you have given me an adamant faith that is stubbornly unyielding to the desires of this world...Thank You! I praise You for that strength.

Lastly, this is just a short "original":

this body, is lying lame before you
bruised and broken
hungered for Your touch
my movement ceases as I am in awe of You

upon this altar i lay it all down
Your fire consumes my entire being
Every aspect of my life is held before You

refine me, reveal my quality in You

burn into the depths of my soul
setting ablaze all that is me
Lord pierce my barriers
open my heart to Your peace