Recollection!

I wrote the following about 7 months ago...I recall it now as I process my thoughts on a variety of things. I feel the necessity to remember a previous moment in which I feel is similar to my current 'season'! I hope that in some way it is able to speak volumes...

from the depths my weakness cries out for an ear to hear it's voice. this inner being desires more than what this life can offer...I watch and wait with what little patience I possess and wonder what is left to this journey. silent cries, lost tears, nothing left but lonliness and isolation. so what is it this time? from here to there, each place, each step, all striving to further some unknown void, to possess some unknown or unspoken quality or life that just doesn't exist. it's all meaningless and never ceasing. so why, what...all the questions life has to offer, all that rears it's ugliness into this existence of mine. who can hear my cries, who can understand my pleas, who knows the inner most being that is me? these questions never cease. i lie here for hours and hours and continue to question all that is imaginable. from the inner most pains and struggles to nothing. what? why? where? I mean how is it that it all exist in me without me understanding or even relating any reasoning to it. my depths of solitude are only seen by Him alone. He only knows all that my life entails. is it true that all that is me, all that will be me and all that was me, He's known all along? what matter of character do I possess to find my gifts from God? He is my Almighty Comforter at all times. to know that his love is all I'll ever need...simply amazing. "You are the light of the world, Jesus is the light, lead us out of darkness and into Your marvelous light." my mind is a paradox even to me! how is it that these complexities can somehow piece themselves together and form a masterpiece? How is it that I can be seen in such a light by the One who created all! I cry to you Oh Lord! You know my heart, You know the desires therein. the affliction that sometimes haunts my very being, those that shoot so far to my core that I feel the piercing pain of needles killing and blinding my existence. my eyes are closed to what you have for me. Open them, Oh Lord. Open my heart to all You have for me. To all You believe there is for my life. these thoughts burn in for an eager mind to find out more, to acquire as much knowledge as I can to try to undersand and piece together whatever it is that tears at my flesh and soul. why in a room so full can I see myself alone. i stand out in a crowd, but not such to draw attention. i envision for myself....i do not even know. life is in such a short time, supposedly, such a great adventure. i just wonder what this adventure is? where am I to go, with whom, by whom? love is generally my passion in life. love is one that never ceases. God's love is what brings me through all and brings me to all. God, praise You Lord, for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me, I praise You for everything that lies in me, whether simple or complex. I know that there exist many such things in myself and my life that I will never understand until Your time to reveal that to me. Your passionate comfort is that strong fire that warms me in the coldest of winters. where is it that You'll lead me,...nowhere Your fires will not warm me, this i know. You make all things beautiful in Your time. YOUR TIME!! To have just a slight glimpse into Your time and existence is beyond my comprehension. so what can You do, that I can truly understand. My attempts, though strong and unwavering, are useless, for You are HOLY! You alone possess the only wisdom that can even finish this sentence...My thoughts do not cease, but my words faint.To know You my love.To hear You my love.To hold You my love.The desires of my heart are these. All I have to say.